Growing Pains
by Louie0228
Summary: Sequel to Maternal Instinct.   With Bizzy dead and Sam ready to start a family Addison is taken on a painful journey of growth and trust.
1. Birds Eye View

**This is a sequel to Maternal Instinct and the events of 4.14- Home Again have happened in between the two stories. This story starts on the flight home from Connecticut. **

**Chapter One: Birds Eye View.**

Sam could tell, from her soft rhythmic breathing, that Addison had finally fallen asleep. He looked out of the plane's window and surveyed the scene below, people going about their business, living their lives – it all looked so simple and straight forward from above, thousands of people walking through life, moving from A to B. What his aerial vantage point didn't show was the obstacles, the love, the loss and the intricate web of connection that was carelessly trailed between the ever moving people. He looked around the plane at the sleeping bodies; there were some webs that he was glad of. It had been a long week for them all but for Addison it had been a horrific challenge and he knew, despite her eventual acknowledgment of Bizzy's death, that she was far from having conquered it.

"She's finally asleep" Naomi's whisper woke Sam from his moment of contemplation.

"Yeah," Sam replied with an exhausted smile as he looked at Addison curled up beside him.

"You want to get a drink?" Naomi asked with a companionable smile as she gestured towards the small on-board bar that had three high stools gathered around it.

Sam thought for a second, unsure whether he could take anymore alcohol after the copious amounts he had felt obliged to drink over the past few days.

"I'm thinking of a coffee" Naomi smiled, reading Sam's mind – she too had consumed enough alcohol to put her off for the foreseeable future.

"Sounds great" Sam smiled as he carefully picked his way past Addison and headed to the end of the plane with Naomi.

"How is Addison holding up?" Naomi asked as they mounted the high stools.

"She's not really" Sam replied as the waiter poured coffee into two small white teacups "she's just so closed, not as bad as when we first got to the house but she's holding back, like she's not letting herself grieve."

"Mm," Naomi said in understanding as she took a sip of hot coffee "grieving means letting go, relinquishing control and Addison can't do that, she gets scared to let herself feel because feelings are something she can't control."

Sam nodded as he digested Naomi's words, he knew he was closer to Addison than anyone else had been allowed to get, that he was in more parts of her life than even she had imagined he could be but there was still so much he had to learn about her and still no one who knew her better than Naomi.

"You just have to be there Sam," Naomi said kindly as she placed a supportive had on Sam's arm "but don't be too gentle, she needs pushing sometimes and although she'll push back initially, she will need, want, you to push back harder"

Sam nodded as he took another sip of his coffee, Cooper had said something similar and to an extent it had worked, he had pushed Addison and although he had finally managed to get her to admit what had happened, to say goodbye to her mom, he knew he had only scratched the surface and he feared that once they were back in LA, away from everything she associated with her family, she would try to shut out what had happened and he knew that was when she would need him most.

"Oh, I forgot to ask with all this madness, but would you be able to look after Olivia this weekend?" Naomi asked breezily "I am treating Maya to a weekend at a spa, thought she could do with some pampering and Dink has a gig with his band."

"Of course," Sam smiled, he didn't get to spend much time alone with his granddaughter and relished the opportunity to look after her, plus, he knew how much Naomi supported Maya and Dink and he was grateful to provide her and Maya with some quality time alone to relax.

"Great, thanks. I'll drop her by on Friday afternoon." Naomi smiled.

* * *

When Sam got back to his seat he found Addison awake and sitting up, she looked small and lost as she stared absently out of the window.

"Hey" he said softly as he sat beside her and rubbed her back.

"Hey" she replied without turning around, concentrating her efforts on the view.

"Are you ok?" he asked, although he already knew the answer he was going to receive.

"I'm fine Sam" she replied, her voice muffled as it was absorbed by the plastic window.

Sam let out a silent sigh as he removed his hand from her back and sank back into his seat. It always seemed as if something was taking her away from him. Every time it seemed like they were settled, like they had a chance to live their lives something came along and took her; Susan, Bizzy, Charlotte, sadness, fear- he knew it was selfish but he just wanted her, he just wanted to be able to love her without having to find her first, without having to constantly pull her back from the edge of something.


	2. Normality

**Chapter Two: Normality.**

Water droplets slid forlornly down the steam covered mirror as Sam stepped out of the shower and made his way to the sink. The coolness of the glass cut through his warm skin as he used his hand to wipe away the condensation. He exhaled deeply as he saw his own tired reflection staring back at him. He puffed out his cheeks before turning on the tap and picking up his toothbrush. He had planned on taking the rest of the week off and spending time with Addison, maybe taking her away for a few days but Charlotte had called him and asked him to cover some surgeries for her that afternoon – the on-call cardiologist had phoned in sick and she couldn't get anyone else at such short notice. She had sounded genuinely apologetic on the phone, they had only landed the night before and she knew he was tired but she really needed a favour and, despite their rocky start, Sam really did consider Charlotte King a friend now and so he was willing to help her out.

"You should be in bed" Sam said assertively as he entered Addison's lounge and saw her sitting on the sofa.

"I'm not ill Sam" Addison replied with a clinical coldness in her voice.

"I know," Sam replied coolly, undeterred by Addison's tone "but you haven't had much sleep lately, just thought you'd take the opportunity to catch up on some sleep, that's all."

"I'm not tired" Addison replied, her voice softening as she regretted the tone she had taken. "Where are you going?" she asked in an attempt to change the subject.

"Charlotte asked me to do a couple of surgeries," Sam replied as he headed towards the sofa with a glass of orange juice in his hand "I won't be long" he assured Addison as he sat down beside her.

"Be as long as you need to be" Addison replied with a smile, she just wanted things to get back to normal.

* * *

As Addison stepped purposefully off the elevator she felt the familiar surroundings of the office sooth her, here she knew what she was doing, here there were who people needed her; here she was in control.

"Morning" she smiled as she entered the kitchen and headed towards the refrigerator. She felt a lull in the room as she moved towards the cupboard to retrieve a glass, the bustling conversation that had filled the kitchen before she entered came to an abrupt halt and she could feel her colleagues watching her every move.

"Addison," Naomi said in a high pitched voice that was meant to disguise her concern as surprise. "You're back, I….we didn't think…are you?"

"I'm fine Nae," Addison said breezily, pushing her friend's concerns aside.

Naomi, aware that her friend was anything but 'fine' threw a quick look at Sheldon to ascertain what he thought of the situation, the worried look on his face told Naomi that he too had concerns about Addison coming back to work so soon.

"Oh, I might need you for a consult later Violet" Addison said over her shoulder on her way out of the kitchen.

"Sure" Violet smiled, not knowing what else to say.

With a smile Addison exited the kitchen and made her way towards her office.

"I thought she'd agreed not to come back for a few weeks" Pete said as soon as Addison had left the room.

"So did I," Cooper replied "she clearly hasn't dealt with her mother's death…."

"Sam agreed she wasn't coming back for a few weeks," Amelia stated, never afraid to speak her mind "Addison's a grown woman, she knows what she is doing, she just wants to get back to normal."

"Except burying your mother and her lesbian lover within the same week isn't exactly normal" Cooper said with a hint of irony.

Amelia, feeling compelled to stick up for Addison, shrugged her shoulders at Cooper's comment and headed for the door "I just think we should let Addison deal with this in her own way" she said before heading to her own office.

"The problem there being that Addison doesn't 'deal' with anything" Naomi said to no one in particular but knowing that the rest of the room probably shared her opinion.

"Not having the tools to cope with a crisis like this can often make people inclined to try to ignore it ever happened" Sheldon offered.

"Ignoring," Pete stated "now that is something Addison does well"

Everyone nodded at Pete's comment, knowing that he was talking from experience.

"I'll talk to her," Charlotte said in a matter of fact way. Her words drew looks of confusion and uncertainty from the rest of the people in the room "I'm not the totally cold hearted ice queen you think I am," she said with that unmistakable Charlotte King sarcasm "plus, I've been through a few things myself, think I can relate to where she's coming from"

Charlotte's assured words signalled the end of the conversation and as she left the room the others followed, fragmenting in order to go about their daily business. Naomi made a mental note to call Sam and tell him what was going on as she was pretty sure he was unaware of Addison's whereabouts.


	3. Ever Swirling Tide

**Chapter Three: The Ever Swirling Tide. **

Addison flinched as her office door was suddenly flung open; she knew Sam was only trying to help but she didn't want to talk, she didn't want to grieve, she just wanted to get on with her life.

"Don't look too pleased to see me" Charlotte's voice tore through Addison's anxiety.

"Charlotte, I'm sorry, I…." Addison began to explain and she stood up behind her desk.

"You thought I was Sam" Charlotte said directly, calling Addison out on her hiding.

"I…" Addison couldn't disguise the look of guilt as she tried to find the right words to deny her behaviour. Even after working together all this time Charlotte's directness still caught Addison off guard.

"It's alright," Charlotte said simply as she sat in the chair opposite Addison's desk "I know, you just want your life to go back to normal, to pretend your Mum didn't die, that she didn't kill herself and your Dad isn't an alcoholic."

"Charlotte, I, no one else…." Addison stuttered

"Don't worry Addison I haven't told anyone, I know about secrets. But let me tell you one thing – it will have to come out sooner or later because no matter how much you try to push it down, try to ignore it, it will eat you until it controls you." Charlotte said, her voice tinged with experience.

"Charlotte what happened to you…it's…..well it's not like what happened to me, nothing happened to _me_….."

"It happened to you Addison, it's happening to you right now and it will carry on happening until you let yourself feel it and, well, when you do I'll be here" the words tumbled from Charlotte's confident mouth.

Addison felt something build inside her, a few months ago she would never have imagined needing Charlotte or that Charlotte would be in a position to support anyone else but she was a remarkable woman, a remarkable friend.

"Thanks" Addison said quietly as Charlotte pushed herself up from her chair and started for the door.

"It's the least I can do" Charlotte said sincerely as she turned and left the office.

* * *

Addison spent the rest of the morning flicking from email to email and not replying to any of them, she just wanted the world to start spinning again, she wanted her life to go back to how it was before Bizzy's early morning phone call, before Susan's illness and before she had unearthed the hidden feelings she held for Bizzy. She took a deep breath and puffed out her cheeks as she wondered why her life was complicated.

* * *

It was late afternoon by the time Sam entered her office and woke her from the sleep she wasn't even aware she was having.

"Naomi said you were still here" Sam said softly as he approached her desk "you shouldn't have come into work today."

Addison, too tired to argue anymore, pushed her hair back from her face and stretched her tired arms out in front of her. There was a part of her that wanted to let him in, needed to let him in but there was also a part of her, a much bigger part, that knew that letting him in would mean facing what had happened, talking about how she felt and losing control and she knew it was fear that kept her from giving in to him, fear of feeling, of falling apart and never being able to put herself back together again.

"Oh sorry we can come back...I…" Naomi muttered as she burst into Addison's office, Olivia in her arms. She knew from the tired look on Addison's face and the determined one on Sam's that she had walked into the middle of something.

"No, Nai, come in we were just…we were just nothing…" Addison attempted to smile as she encouraged Naomi into the room. "Is Olivia ok?" Addison said, a hint of confusion and concern in her voice as Naomi stood there holding Olivia in her arms "her check-up isn't until next week"

"Oh I…no" Naomi was taken aback that Addison was unaware of the fact Olivia was staying with Sam for the weekend. She hadn't realised how broken things had come between her two friends. She knew this story all too well, Addison falling apart, refusing any help, denying herself happiness.

"I'm looking after Olivia for the weekend" Sam said plainly as he walked towards Naomi, arms outstretched and a huge smile on his face.

"If it's not a good time…..Maya and I can rearrange…" Naomi began not wanting to cause tension between Sam and Addison and not wanting to upset her friend who she could see was swirling in a maddening tide.

"No it's fine. Fine" Addison smiled, snapping back into reality and smiling at Naomi "are you and Maya going somewhere nice?"

"Just a spa. A bit of mother daughter bonding time" Naomi replied.

"Sounds great" Addison said as Naomi's words rang out and caused an instant silence.

"Oh Addison I'm sorry, I didn't…" Naomi's apology was sincere and heartfelt as she silently cursed herself for letting the words slip out so easily.

"Nai stop," Addison smiled from her desk "and have a nice time with Maya."

Naomi smiled back at her friend, under normal circumstances she knew that at that moment the two of them would have shared a friendly hug but Naomi knew that Addison's position behind her desk was for a reason and she knew better than to push her friend.

"Well, behave yourself for your granddad" Naomi cooed at Olivia who was smiling in Sam's arms "and don't get too cute while I'm away – I don't want to miss anything" she said as she planted a kiss on Olivia's head. "Call me if there's anything" Naomi said to Sam as she forced herself to back away from Olivia and towards the door.

"We'll be fine," Sam said as he grinned at Olivia "I have done this before remember, plus, she'll have the best person to hand should she need anything" Sam said smiling towards Addison.

Addison managed a half convincing smile in response to Sam's question and Naomi backed out of the door and down the hall. Addison felt the walls of her office start to close in around her as Sam walked towards her with Olivia in his arms.

"I think it's time we all went home" Sam smiled kindly as he stood in front of Addison waiting for her to collect her bag.

Addison smiled weakly back at Sam, she knew Sam would be excited at the prospect of spending the whole weekend alone with Olivia, she just wished she could be too.

"Why don't you go and put her in the car and I'll just finish up here" Addison smiled brightly.

Sam nodded and headed out of the office.

Once alone Addison prepared herself for the weekend ahead, she knew how much having Olivia meant to Sam and she wanted him to enjoy it. A frustrated and sombre tear fell down her cheek as she thought of the photo album Sam had given her, that moment when he'd said he wanted to have a family, when he'd said the words that had made anything seem possible; she'd felt like everything was coming together, like for once it was her turn to be happy, like all of the pain and heartache she'd endured over the past ten years melted away and her future, their future, lay ahead of them. She cried as she thought of how all of that happiness, that hope, had been cruelly snatched away from her by one cold, devastating fist.


	4. Persistence

**Chapter Four: Persistence.**

Addison felt the cool breeze blowing off the sea and swirling around her neck as she made the short journey from her own living room to Sam's house. Since they had arrived home she'd been seeking refuge in her own house, she'd made some excuse about patient notes and spent an hour soaking in a warm bath with a glass of red wine. She knew Sam was expecting her and she had every intention of spending the night at his house- sleeping alone wasn't something she could handle.

As she approached Sam's patio doors she took care to soften her steps before quietly and carefully sliding the door open.

"No need to be quiet" Sam smiled from the kitchen, "she's wide awake" he said gesturing towards Olivia who was giggling from her car seat which Sam had placed on the counter next to where he was preparing dinner. "You're just in time, I'm almost done."

Addison couldn't help but feel a warmth in her stomach as she watched Sam playing husband, father and all round good guy. He adored Olivia, she could see that, just the way he adored Maya; he was a natural dad.

"Why don't you take Olivia out on to the deck and I'll bring the food out" Sam suggested as he took two plates from the overhead cupboard.

"It's a bit cold" Addison replied quickly "plus, she looks happy there watching you."

Sam, accepting Addison's comment, set the two filled plates aside for a moment and gently turned the car seat around on the kitchen counter so that Olivia was facing the breakfast bar where Addison had set out two dinner places and was uncorking a bottle of wine. He gently swept a lock of hair from Olivia's face before picking up the two plates and joining Addison at the breakfast bar.

"Dinner for three" Sam joked as he beamed at Olivia, who was now looking sleepy.

"Did Naomi mention when she'd be back?" Addison asked casually

"Sunday I think" Sam replied as he finished a mouthful of food "if she can stay away that long, she's already called three times to see how Olivia is" Sam smiled. He knew his ex-wife wasn't calling to check up on him, she'd often said how good he was with Maya when she was small, but he also knew that time away from Olivia was hard for her. Sam thought about how Naomi had reacted when Maya was first pregnant, to think that she had ever wanted to live without Olivia. Sam knew now that Naomi had only acted as a mother, that she had only ever wanted the best for Maya and despite things working out differently to how they had ever imagined he believed they had bought Maya up well; she had morals and values and she certainly had Naomi's determination.

Silence fell as Sam and Addison ate dinner and Olivia fell in and out of sleep, her small eyes closing just long enough to trigger a few deep breaths from her small body before she fought through the tiredness and fixed her eyes on Sam once more.

"I should get her washed and into bed" Sam smiled as he consumed his last mouthful of food and placed his knife and fork neatly on his plate.

Addison pushed her stool back from the breakfast bar, stood up and began to the gather plates and cutlery.

"We can do that later, come and bath Olivia with me" Sam smiled, hoping to steal some quality time with two of his favourite girls.

"You do it" Addison smiled "you don't get much time with her. I'll come up when I've finished here"

Sam, smiling at the thought of spending time with Olivia, headed upstairs towards the bathroom.

Once they had gone, Addison sank back onto the stool and lowered her head into her hands. She loved Sam and she loved Olivia so why did she feel the need to escape? Why did she feel like they were sucking the oxygen from the world around her? She was good with children, she'd built a career on saving babies yet here she was avoiding the baby she had fought so venomously to bring into the world. She just felt so broken, so damaged, how could she ever be what a baby needed now, how could she ever be a mom when she didn't know what a mom was, what a mom did other than cause pain and hurt. She couldn't be enough of a daughter to Bizzy, she wasn't enough to make her want to live so how could she ever be enough as a mother when she didn't know how.

* * *

"She's finally asleep" Sam sighed as he emerged from upstairs and went to the kitchen to pour himself a second glass of wine. "We missed you joining in our bath-time" Sam smiled as he sat down on the sofa next to Addison and placed his hand on her leg, which was curled beneath her.

"The Captain called" Addison lied, she had indeed spoken to her father but it had been her that had called him, not the other way around.

"Everything ok?" Sam asked, a slight hint of concern in his voice, he knew Addison's dad rarely called her.

"Fine." Addison replied simply "he was drunk"

"Addison…" Sam said with a hint of sympathy in his voice as he turned his body into Addison's

"Sam, don't…" Addison said as she backed off slightly "he's fine"

Sam, instantly reading Addison's body language, knew not to push any further. Inwardly he was exhausted by Addison's barriers and her refusal to discuss what she was feeling but outwardly he didn't react other than to give Addison what she wanted and change the subject.

"I thought we might drive out to Palm Springs with Olivia tomorrow" Sam said happily, "we could take a walk, you girls could do some shopping"

"She's a baby Sam" Addison said, unable to hide the affection she felt for him, he was an amazing father – he had always been behind Maya, had put her feelings first and Addison knew how hard that had been for him, watching his little girl grow up so quickly but he knew she still needed him to be her dad, in a different way but still her dad and now he was an amazing granddad too, he adored Olivia.

"Addison Montgomery bowing out of a shopping challenge, you're not half the woman I thought you were" Sam smiled as he teased Addison, happy to see her smiling.

"It's on Bennett" Addison smiled, making the small movement back towards him and enjoying the warm scent that rose from his body.

Sam felt his heart leap as Addison closed the distance between them, glimmers of his Addison shone across the chasm that had formed between them in recent weeks. In that moment he felt that she was retrievable that she was simply lost in what had happened to her but that she would come back, that he could get her back, pull her back; it would just take time. He ran his fingers through her long hair and he saw her face soften and her body relax as she let her guard fall and she let him. Sam planted a small kiss on her lips and felt her respond softly, it wasn't Addison kissing him and he knew there were limits to where a kiss between them could go but he was happy to feel the woman he loved against his skin and a step further to coming back to him.

"Will you give me another chance at bath-time?" Sam smiled, his voice supportive, friendly and devoid of any proposition.

Addison, realising how steadfast Sam had been and how much he cared about her, smiled and nodded in agreement. She knew it was hard for him, that he had put everything on the line to chase her and she owed him all of her but right now she was giving all she could, anymore would be too much, too soon, too painful.

* * *

Addison's eyes felt heavy as she felt Sam's breath on her neck.

"Addison" his voice slowly came into focus

She felt the thick haze of sleep clear and she realised that the bedroom light was on and Sam was leaning over the bed talking softly to her. As she woke another sound penetrated her ears, a sharp, shrill noise that she recognised to be the familiar cry of a small child.

"Olivia?" she enquired with a tone of concern as she tried to construct a full sentence.

"She's ok," Sam assured her "I think she just got worried when she woke up and Maya and Naomi weren't there, maybe a female voice would be comforting"

Addison, relieved that Olivia was safe, felt a familiar weight press down on her as she got out of bed and padded towards the spare room, followed closely by Sam.

"Hey" Addison said soothingly as she reached down to pick a red faced Olivia out of her cot. She held her closely against her body placed a hand on her head. From behind her Sam could see Olivia's head leaning on Addison's shoulder and as Addison swayed with her in her arms and spoke to her softly she started to calm down, her crying reduced to little more than irregular gasps as she sank into the comfort Addison provided.

Unbeknownst to Sam it was Addison who had silent tears streaming down her cheeks as she stood with her back to him enveloping Olivia in her arms.

"Here" Addison's voice was audibly shaking as she turned to Sam and placed a now sleeping Olivia into his arms and quickly exited the room. She felt Sam's house fly by in a tear streaked blur as she ran out into the cool night and to her own living room. Once in the security of her own house she closed the patio door behind her and leaned back into it for support as tears ran down her face and she gasped for air.

"Addison?" Amelia's concerned voice came out of the dim living room where she had been sitting on the sofa typing on her laptop. "Addison what's happened?" Amelia enquired as she moved closer to her friend.

"Nothing" Addison managed to say as she tried to compose herself "I'm fine"

"Clearly you're not fine…" Amelia began, seeing that her friend was clearly in despair

"I'm fine" Addison repeated as she moved past Amelia and headed up the stairs towards the seclusion of her bedroom.

Amelia, scared by Addison's state, barely hesitated before reaching for her mobile and dialling Sam's number. She could tell from the way that Sam picked up immediately that he had been expecting her call.

"Is she there?" he asked immediately

"Yes, Sam what…." Amelia felt the enormity of the situation growing as she was kept in the dark.

"Will you come over and watch Olivia?" Sam asked although it was more of an order than a question.

"Sure" Amelia didn't have time to ask anymore questions as Sam put the phone down, she knew that just being there was the best thing she could do to help her friends at that moment.

"She's asleep upstairs" was all Sam had time to say to Amelia as he passed her in the living room of his house on the way out of the house.

Sam knew where to find Addison, she was a beautifully strong grown woman but at heart she was still a young girl who hid from the things that scared her. He mounted the stairs quietly knowing that calmness and tact needed to override his feelings of frustration and concern.

"Addison?" he called through the closed bedroom door. On receiving no answer both Cooper's and Naomi's words rang through his mind 'be firm, be there' "I'm coming in" he stated before turning the handle and entering Addison's bedroom. In the dim light Addison looked every inch the delicate young girl he had seen during her darkest moments. Without invitation he moved over to the bed and climbed up onto the side now considered his and knelt over her. She was curled up facing away from him, he could see from her shoulders that her attempts to control her broken breathing were failing. Without another word he took a deep breath before laying his hands firmly on her side and rolling her over to face him. Her resistance was minimal and he knew that whatever had made her run away had drained every drop of energy from her, he didn't envisage a fight but getting her to open up was another matter.

"I'm here Addison," he said as he leaned back against the headboard and pulled her towards him, resting her head on his own chest. He got himself comfy knowing he could be there for a while "I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me"

Tears she thought had dried began to trickle from Addison's eyes again and Sam's hand moved firmly and consistently along the length of her back. She knew she owed him more, she knew he deserved more and that just for once she needed to stop thinking about herself and her own fear and let him love her.

"Bizzy's dead" Addison began, not moving from the position Sam had put her in "and the Captain's drinking himself into his grave, they're my parents Sam, my broken, dead, damaged parents"

Sam listened intently, continuing to offer support with strong, confident strokes. He knew she'd get there, she'd do her best to explain and he'd understand, he always understood, they always understood, it was one of the things that had pushed them together in the first place; they could see the world through each other's eyes.

"I've always wanted to a mother, every day I hold other people's children in my arms and I want that happiness for myself. I picture this perfection and I'm happy, we're happy and we make all the right decisions. I had this vision of being a good mother, of using all of the things I've learnt in life to raise a child who is strong and kind and loved but what if I'm like Bizzy, what if I'm like my mother? The only mother I've ever known what if my child isn't enough to make me happy, to keep me alive, what if I break my own child Sam?"

Sam, realising they'd got to the heart of the problem and knowing this was Addison asking for support, pulled her from her lying position and sat her up next to him made her look into his eyes.

"You're not Bizzy" he stated simply.

Addison, swallowing fresh tears nodded in acknowledgment.

"You're not Bizzy, you're Addison and you won't be a perfect mom and you won't make all the right decisions but that's being a parent Addison, it isn't a science, there are no rules but there is love and happiness. Bizzy didn't kill herself because you weren't enough Addison, she killed herself because she wasn't enough alone. Without Susan she wasn't enough for herself and dying was her way of dealing with that"

Addison sniffed as her tears ceased. Sam's words made her realise that she had the chance to learn from Bizzy's life, to tell her children she loved them and to face life - even when it scared her and made her want to run.

"I'm sor..." Addison began to apologise.

"Shh" Sam demanded softly as he enveloped Addison in his arms. She didn't have to apologise, there was nothing to be sorry for, she was delicate he knew that, it was one of the things he'd always found alluring and human about her. She'd opened up, he knew it had taken her time but she had spoken about how she was feeling and he knew that wasn't easy for her.

"We're going to be parents Addison and it is scary but we're going to do it together," Sam assured her as he broke their embrace and bought his face close to hers "we'll be scared together" he smiled and he was glad to see his comment elicited a smile from his girlfriend's face, a smile that made it impossible for him to refrain from pulling her soft and trembling lips into a strong and open-mouthed kiss.


End file.
